Him: How are you today? Me: Tired. Him: Me too. Got to bed late and woke up early. Me: Me too. Did you wake up because of nightmares? Him: No. You? Me: Yeah, I kept dreaming I was working for Martha Stewart. That bitch just cannot be pleased. Him: Gayest. Dream. Ever. Me: But I haven't even told you about all the stuff she wanted glittered.
Me: Drinking coffee before doing office work is like taking a Viagra before watching Schindler's List; neither is appropriate Them: ... *crickets* Me: Well, okay, maybe taking the Viagra is appropriate.
While watching a fisting scene Me: Am I the only one watching this and thinking about the Einstein Field Equations
After seeing a distended rectum at the completion of the scene Me: Okay, let's try this. Am I the only one who looks at that prolapsed rectum thinks of Calabi-Yau manifolds?
Brent told me while filling out some paperwork for a job, and being very prepared and professional, the HR director told him how effortless he had made the process. She added, "The young ones make it difficult." Brent took umbrage seeing as he's only 30.
I affirmed, "You're still young. We're still young." And then I started singing, with arms outstretched to my sides and chest shaking back and forth, "We are young, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises, no demands. Love is a battlefield."