Today I walked over to Harvest Urban Market to grab some soup, in a container obviously, because cupped hands + hot soup = hilarious story with 2nd-degree burns and I don't need the burns. Normally when I walk to Urban, I walk down 8th Street's west sidewalk. Normally it's shadier, as in blocking the sun, but today it was shadier, as in debauched, because there were a lot of drug addicts and hobos waiting in line to get food from the Lutheran Brothers' Services. I crossed to the east sidewalk after getting to Folsom because I didn't want to deal with them.
Up ahead of me was a guy carrying a duffel bag by his hand, but up over his shoulder and on his back. This is how I carried my duffel bag in 6th grade and what caused me to have some serious wrist issues, though those issues could have been from chronic masturbation. Who knows, except for Jesus, for he was in my fantasies. Anyway, this guy also had some serious high water jeans going on. The cuff of the jean stopped a good two inches above his ankles which were Fritos Chili Cheese colored.
The guy turns around when I'm about six feet behind him and stops. He looks me up and down. I keep walking. He is muttering to himself. After I pass he yells at me, "Are you with the KGB?! You're a fool for following me! Especially when the FBI has me under surveillance!" He started laughing maniacally. "They'll get you! You fuckin' commie!"
She looks at me and yelled, "What are you looking at, commie?!"
I was like, what the fuck? I'm wearing what I always wear, except I have on my Kangol navy blue cap instead of a baseball cap. Maybe they think it's a beret.
So my question is: where do babies come from?
Up ahead of me was a guy carrying a duffel bag by his hand, but up over his shoulder and on his back. This is how I carried my duffel bag in 6th grade and what caused me to have some serious wrist issues, though those issues could have been from chronic masturbation. Who knows, except for Jesus, for he was in my fantasies. Anyway, this guy also had some serious high water jeans going on. The cuff of the jean stopped a good two inches above his ankles which were Fritos Chili Cheese colored.
The guy turns around when I'm about six feet behind him and stops. He looks me up and down. I keep walking. He is muttering to himself. After I pass he yells at me, "Are you with the KGB?! You're a fool for following me! Especially when the FBI has me under surveillance!" He started laughing maniacally. "They'll get you! You fuckin' commie!"
I did not engage him. I did not turn around. He started singing "We Will Rock You." I got to the corner and of course the light turned red. I was going to have to stand at the intersection with this crazy guy. But as soon as he got to the corner, he made a quick right and walked down Howard Street.
*sigh of relief*
I'm standing there at the intersection and in the left hand lane of 8th Street, closest to me but across the intersection, is this 20-something tranny wearing moon boot platforms running in that lane. She starts running through traffic and I'm just staring at her thinking "she's going to get killed."She looks at me and yelled, "What are you looking at, commie?!"
I was like, what the fuck? I'm wearing what I always wear, except I have on my Kangol navy blue cap instead of a baseball cap. Maybe they think it's a beret.
So my question is: where do babies come from?
You always have weird and funny stories (grocery store one below included). I almost wish I lived in SF for the fun-ness you experience.
Of course, I don't think I could miss out on the almost always sunny weather in SD.
Posted by: Ray | February 04, 2010 at 11:43 AM
Oh and babies come from your Mom's vag.
Posted by: Ray | February 04, 2010 at 11:43 AM